A dream. A romance. A love. In Words. I think you prefer when the world "together" means not "a million," but just two.

  Poems to Louis


I was one of the insatiables. The ones you'd always find sitting closest to the screen. Why do we sit so close? Maybe it was because we wanted to receive the images first. When they were still new, still fresh. Before they cleared the hurdles of the rows behind us. Before they'd been relayed back from row to row, spectator to spectator; until worn out, secondhand, the size of a postage stamp, it returned to the projectionist's cabin. Maybe, too, the screen was really a screen. It screened us... from the world.


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"A Nightmare I Had"

I had a horrible dream last night.

I dreamt that he had been sentenced to death. He didn't do anything entirely wrong, he just wore the wrong clothes. Strange that is.

Everybody was there. Waiting in the tent-like lobby. I wasn't allowed to watch and I didn't want to, either.

When I was told that he had died, I burst into tears. I never cried that much in a dream in a long time. I was desperate. It was like I had died, too. I didn't see him afterwards, I saw him for the last time when he left the lobby. On his last mile. He wore blue jeans, white socks, a black jacket and a plain shirt.

I'm not sure how it happened. I guess it was by the string. How cruel it must have been. But I think he didn't complain.

I felt so sorry for him that I cried all the time. I was so sad that he wasn't with me any longer, although he has never really been with me.

Apart from the dream, sometimes now I feel like I fell in lobe with him, but that is only, because I feel so close to him, because we often feel the same. But that is something he doesn't see. Or feel.

So it's hopeless.

Besides, when it comes to the crunch, he would rather choose her than me.
14.1.07 21:07



It tears me apart.

It hasn't been this strong feeling in a long time.

I am desperately, I emphasize, desperately in love with someone.

And the saddest part about is that he is not.

Such a cruel world this one is
16.1.07 23:36

He doesn't, he just dont ...

He doesn't listen.
He does not see me.

He never sees me, never saw me.
I am invisible.
Not touched by his heart. Or his soul.
Not even his eyes.

He does not answer, he just don't.
I am desperate.
I am alone. Again.

Why is it always the same with every guy?
Like it hadn't been enough
to be turned down by several of them.
Now it is everybody. Even him.

Why doesn't he care about me?
Am I so difficult to love?
22.1.07 00:44

For the first time ...

After all these years, I feel, for the first time, love in it. A bit of passion, devotion and sympathy in it.

It's great.
But hopeless.
Out of reach.
For me.
22.1.07 03:09


There have to be some changes.

Something has to change. And it will, because I want it to.

Action is the enemy of thought

I will live again. And better than ever. Because I want to.
24.1.07 00:05

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