A dream. A romance. A love. In Words. I think you prefer when the world "together" means not "a million," but just two.

  Poems to Louis


I was one of the insatiables. The ones you'd always find sitting closest to the screen. Why do we sit so close? Maybe it was because we wanted to receive the images first. When they were still new, still fresh. Before they cleared the hurdles of the rows behind us. Before they'd been relayed back from row to row, spectator to spectator; until worn out, secondhand, the size of a postage stamp, it returned to the projectionist's cabin. Maybe, too, the screen was really a screen. It screened us... from the world.


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So alike

How can two persons be so much alike?
How can two persons feel so much alike?
How can two persons suffer so much alike?

And how can they not reach each other?
They could take away their pain

How could I ... ?

How could I ever think things would be the same again?

As if I could turn back time.
As if we could be children again.

So there goes my soulmate.
So there goes my love.

Therefore yesterday was something like the secret kiss of two former lovers, who broke up decades ago.
It felt like it felt back then. It felt right, altough it was wrong.

I was wrong.
Because he was wrong to me.


Broken days.
Broken weeks.
Broken years.
A broken second.

Broken dreams.
Broken lives.
Broken love.

Broken loves.

Broken moments together.
Broken hours crying.
Broken desires.

Broken memories of a
Broken night. A

broken him.

By Night

Walking through darkness
into little lights in the distance.
Fireflies, moonlight and twinkling stars.

My night-dimmed eyes wide open
I smell the damp meadow below me.
Dark grass winds around my dew-wet feet.

The intense scent of nature streaming into my nose
I take his cold hand to show him the night.
Magical, calm, quiet and a bit exciting.

I let myself go, loose myself, forget where I come from
and why I came here and with whom.
I. Let. Him. Kiss. Me.

There is this feeling that will always remain.
And although it was untrue and deceiving
I will never forget.


And the pain ... is everywhere.
The grief ... is everywhere.
The sorrow ... is everywhere.
The sadness ... is everywhere.

And though it is all resembling,
it also differs in a very strange way.
And only the one, who feels it, can understand.

The change

And then you know suddenly
that everything changed by the blink of an eye

You feel in that very moment you are losing someone
you always loved and thought you are gonna love forever

But then he is gone and suddenly you don't mind at all
and you can't understand how he ever caused you so much pain

And then there is someone new and you know right from the start
that it all will be the repitition of the repitition and you will exactly feel the same way about him as you felt about all the others

You know exactly that it is not true, was never true and will never be true and it makes you so damn sad because

you suddenly realise that your life and what you think love meant to you is only a silly, childish illusion and you talked yourself into believing it so hard that you finally believed it

And then you feel terrilby ashamed of yourself and so goddamn sad
that you are not far away from

killing yourself!

Red Wine and Red ...

It's worse tonight.
Was so strong all the time.
Until now.

I allow myself to be weak
because I can't push me to be strong.
I'm not strong. Not now. Not tonight.

Thinking about ending it all the time.
Admire the people who did it.
Feel lost. And not home.

Red wine. Red.

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